Surviving the loss of a loved one to suicide is a profound experience. One that brings so many changes to your life in ways that you had never imagined. Everything you think, feel, and believe about life and death, about faith, about family, about God….. is tested. You will not come out of the other side of it as the same person. That I can promise! You cannot fathom, until you have experienced it yourself, the depth of loss, pain, and confusion one can face.
But I have come out through the other side, and in spite of the bewilderment, the sadness, the moments of absolute horror and endless “whys”, in spite of it all, on the other side is hope. God has put people in my life to remind me that there is hope. That my loved one is in the arms of my Beloved Savior. That healing, for all parties concerned, is not only possible, but probable. Through spiritual teachers, subtle messages from above, and profound experiences forever etched in my memory, I am here to proclaim that I am not only persuaded that there is hope, I am certain of it. All the superstitions, myths, and insensitive comments in the world cannot convince me that my brother, Joey, is anywhere but with Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit, and the Saints. Try me if you must. You will not shake me.
I am reminded of a vivid dream I had of my brother one night. In heaven there was a great reunion with family members, both the living, and those who had gone before us. We hugged and embraced. In the dream, my brother embraced my sisters and I as well, and looked us in the eye and said “Guys, I love you…. I’m so sorry”. The dream was most vivid, and I woke the next morning thinking that it was real.
Actually, I am convinced to this day that in fact, it was very real.
There was no need for an apology, I have never for one moment felt any anger or frustration with my brother surrounding the fact that he took his own life. I know he was not in his right mind, I know he was clinically depressed, I know he had an illness that lied to him and convinced him that the world would be better without him. How can I be angry? Yet, his words comforted me. Not because we needed reconciliation, but because he needed peace. Call me crazy, but I believe he, and we, found it.
The Bible says blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Well, praise God the Great Spirit, for I have been comforted.
Yes, try and drag me down, try and tell me I’m wrong, tell me all about the theories and the judgments of the world, the pessimistic outlook, the self-righteous conclusions and dogma. Try me if you must…
You will not shake me!
The fashion/style tip for the day is: Reflect hope. Let your light shine. This can never go out of style. It is not just a fad. It doesn’t have a price tag. Smile. Spread light. Let there be a twinkle in your eye…A twinkle that says… I have a secret, and it’s hope. Hope, and a peace. that. surpasses. all. understanding.
~For Janet Cyford, spiritual teacher, and one of God’s earth angels.